Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
