I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i think im in europe. pls send help
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
