Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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