Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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