I heard we made out
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
