You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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