From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
