I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
