Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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