did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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