She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
