Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
