I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
