I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
