Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
