How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize