I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
