what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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