your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
