Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
