he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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