literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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