Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
