i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
