So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
