Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
