Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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