I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
