apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
