I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
