i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
