My hand turned me down
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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