I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
