there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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