Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
