i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
