yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
