I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize