and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
