Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
