note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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