Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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