she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
