I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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