i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
