Cold hands, warm shart.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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