he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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