So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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