seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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