The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
