I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
