You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
