whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
