I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm too high and old for this...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize