I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
