Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
