i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
