I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
