My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
