Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
