can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
