Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You dont lie about slip and slides
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
