They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
